One of the things I have observed as an upward trend in Corporate America is a lack of training. Most major organizations cut corners in the name of technology and will hand the unsuspecting victim employee a manual and tell them to sit in an empty cubicle for almost eight hours a day with no access to a computer. Or, if they are less bureaucratic efficient, he/she can access online training with either no facilitator or one facilitator who is tasked to train 200 other employees across three regions in different time zones. By the end of the session, the student has to pass with an 80% or above using two hours worth of information of which 90% of it was not covered in class. And let us not forget if there is shadow training, the little lamb team member might be trained by three different people who do one job in three if not more different ways.

Gone are the days when training meant face to face interaction with a real live human being who actually knew their job.

It is disheartening to say that one of the reasons for a lack of excellence in Corporate America is because people have the “I am just doing what I was told” syndrome. Ah, yes! The good ole ethical dilemma. No in depth understanding. No sound reasoning or logic. Just  do what I am told.  Visual learning minus the acquisition of knowledge. Brainless. Mindless and numbing cubicle work.

In part I blame this corporate slothfulness on those who have the ability to incorporate good training curricula for adult learners. There is a need to create good, job specific lesson plans that are designed to optimize departmental efficiency. At the same time, the person who is paid to do a job is responsible to extract as much of the right knowledge so they can to do their job with excellence.

If you have experienced poor customer service, most likely it is tied to poor training. Or someone too lazy to screen during the interview process.

My name is Lady Cheetah and I approve this message.

 

 

Chat  —  Posted: November 11, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Rat Race Saga
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So Says the Manager

I have always been name brand loyal. From product lines to working in big name companies if it was a well-known name, I gravitated toward it.

Then things started to change. As I clawed my way up the corporate ladder with minimal success, I found myself angry, hurt, and resentful toward those in leadership. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to the typical conventional management system as there is nothing I found inherently wrong with the design. What I take issue with is some of the people who occupy seats of management.

From the outward appearance I might have appeared successful and on the upswing to my fellow colleagues but deep down on the inside I knew better. I knew that it was a contentious uphill battle for me because I was dealing with leaders (or so they call themselves) that had the social and emotional intelligence and attention span of a gnat. Gawd! Help us all.

This is What You Say about Your Boss

There are many theories to leadership. Some say it is innate and there are some individuals who are born with leadership traits. Other schools of thought believe anyone can be a leader. There are a few that deem it situational, while others uphold the leadership dynamic and power should be shared and team based.

And then there is reality. The true leadership that plagues the walls of the ivory towers and servicing centers of corporate America: The Wizard of Oz Complex Leadership Theory. You know who they are. They occupy seats of leadership (I might be giving them too much credit, pardon me) sitting in their insulated fish bowls (offices) absolutely clueless on operational management. Never been a subject matter expert except on how to look the part and sound the part. I can’t tell you how many times I have sat in meetings, listened on conference calls to the mind boggling Sugar Honey Ice Tea (S.H.I.T.) that passes off as intelligence. Oh! And don’t even get me started about the grammatical and spelling errors in power points presentations and email communications. Urgggggg! This is the stuff that gets my goat and grinds me bones.

The Solution: Good Coffee

Well. Because the coffee sucks, pardon me while I vent: “Rats and a Heifer!” (Word Press Blogger Professor PVJ, Punchy Lands)

The Delusional Manager Says

The truth is some really do SUCK at their job and this perplexes me…..a bit. Jack rabbit! A whole lot!

But during one of my quiet moments when I was peacefully grazing in holy reverence my dinner and watching the GRIMM, it finally dawned on me. They are like the wizard in the Wizard of Oz. All grand delusion but no real substance. Thick headed and resistant to common sense. Insecure if the right answer comes from someone who is below them on the food chain. Hell bent on eight balling you into a corner because they believe you are after their job when the thought never crossed your mind. And just because they are in management doesn’t mean they are management material. And while we expect them to have the answers and be role models of what we would like to become or in the process of becoming, I will tell you in over many years of working to not sit with abated breath. As corporations cut financial corners, drop in quality of customer service, they will also be less selective of quality leadership.

The bottom line is, if they like you, you are in. If they don’t like you, you are out. If they are afraid of you, it is hell to pay.

Chat  —  Posted: November 4, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Rat Race Saga, Rat Race University
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Tell your company how much you appreciate their service:

Chat  —  Posted: October 28, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Rat Race Saga
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Just in case you thought the madness was only in your cubicle, think again!

This young comedian goes by the name of Kev On Stage and he is hilarious. For a better Life in the Concrete Jungle Experience, go to the Play List on the left hand corner and select “Who’s Grandma Twerking?”

And you thought you were the only one happy to get a refund check….

Chat  —  Posted: October 21, 2014 in Rat Race Saga, YouTube Videos
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Happy Tuesday I Think

Posted: September 30, 2014 in Jungle Work Life

Seriously, I had no idea going for TEFL/TESOL certification would be this….cumbersome. It is like going to school all over again except like a grown-up fast track version without the illusion of grandeur.  Maybe it is because I didn’t take out a school loan but paid cash instead. 

It is amazing how long it is taking me to write a simple, one sided blog post without being alarmed by subject and verb agreement, active or passive voice, verb tense, and such the like. Etc., etc., etc., in my Yul Brenner voice. For all you newbies that line was taken from The King & I.

Make it a great day WP Peeps!

Happy Tuesday!

Posted: September 23, 2014 in Jungle Work Life

I just wanted to say hello.

I can’t think of one thing to blog about and this goes totally against my Pharisaical tendency to look WordPress righteous. Yet, this feels so liberating and it does not feel lazy as I once thought.

I think my gift of sarcasm might have found a new outlet….hmmmm….

Have a great day in the Concrete Jungle and don’t hurt anybody!

One reason why office rage should be legal

Recently I saw a clip from a movie that centered on the idea of legalized crime without police intervention. Not that the idea is all that far-fetched but it was a curious one. Then while watching one of the GRIMM episodes of season two, Sergeant Wu made a comment about office rage. Oh yeah! An idea was born.

As I ferociously scribbled with unadulterated inspiration an image of what the Corporate Hood would look like, it occurred to me that out of this magnanimous chaos the blessedness of the short-term benefits: less stress, decreased gastrointestinal problems, reduced anxiety, and uninterrupted sleep. Now that sounds like the good life. Granted, in order to meet service benchmarks and facilitate organizational management, we would solicit the assistance of the National Guard or Navy Seal for law and order. I know, someone out there over the rainbow would say this is tragic and inhumane. Yeah, but in a self-centered, arrogant, self-absorbed god-like analysis, we might conclude the ends will justify the means.
So. Here. We. Go.

WARNING: Incorporating such tactics could get you killed or worse, fired from your job.

1. Inordinate use of descriptive and colorful expletives to get your points across during team meetings.
2. Cursing customers or terrorizing them by hanging up and calling back just for kicks and giggles.
3. Using the “birdie” as a definitive way of saying “no.”
4. Egging your boss’ office.
5. Looting the vending machine.
6. Trashing the coffee machine. (I would highly advise against this if the brands are Starbucks or Keurig)
7. Carjacking the CEO.
8. Vandalizing the bathroom. (Actually, this might be an improvement)
9. Stealing your co-worker’s lunch. (Of course this is nothing new)
10. Driving your car through the front door.

Chat  —  Posted: September 16, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Rat Race Saga
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Chat  —  Posted: September 9, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Rat Race Saga
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Work hard play hard. Isn’t that what they always say? Well, sometimes working hard and playing hard seems to yield fruitless results, unappreciated overtime, and constant reinforcement of a miserable existence. The paycheck doesn’t look sexy anymore, the atta boys and atta girls begin to sound condescending and you are close to telling your boss to as a wise co-worker once said, “go play in traffic.” Worry no more my weary Corporate Hood muchacho/a, there is hope. Take those lemons and make lemon meringue pie. Here are three ways you can ease the pain of the hustle and grind of the rat race.

1. Start an Online Business.

If like most Corporate Hood employees you find yourself surfing the internet more frequently then you might consider converting that to a side hustle and learn how to build an Android App or create an online internet dating website for employees at your job.

2. Take some Me time before work.

Warning: Doing the following things 15 minutes before clocking in might cause lateness syndrome. Check your Facebook posts, play Candy Crush and or Pet Saga. Go to Starbucks again, check your emails, call your friend who is already at work and then one minute before you should have already been at your desk, rush out of the parking lot as if your life depended on it. By the time you get to your desk, you will give the illusion that you really care to be at work.

3. Project Management Avoidance.

Unless you care about the bigger picture and want to be on #TEAMWINNER this isn’t for you. Now, for the rest of us, here is the plan. Most likely you are either working from an Excel spreadsheet or a proprietary database where all the information is housed. Sometime during the work day just unplug the computer and tell NO ONE what happened. If your B-O-S-S is in another state even better. When he/she calls in for a status let them know there were computer issues and you have called IT to look into it. Immediately after lunch just plug the computer back in and resume business as usual.

It’s your gurl Lady Cheetah and I am out.

Chat  —  Posted: September 2, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Jungle Work Life, Rat Race Saga, Rat Race University
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You know there are times when you know you have to handle your business. Waiting is not an option. Driving home to use your own bathroom because you live right up the street from work is not a luxury that many can afford. So you are left to do the needful. Relieve yourself from the burdens of this ole world.

It has been my professional corporate hood experience that workplace bathrooms can be just as nasty and disgusting as night club bathrooms, so we would do well to exercise sanitary caution. In order to promote a safe and clean bathroom experience let me provide a few of the ongoing dilemmas and propose a few solutions.

The Big Dump

Sometimes entering workplace bathrooms is like preparing for battle minus the gas mask. You know what I am talking about, those big nasty dumps oozing with the aroma of disgusting farts. These are not to be confused with the psychologically acceptable farts that sound like trumpets minus the gaseous fumes or the quiet but well-timed pearl farts that clap as if to give the suspecting fellow bathroom listener an iTune beat. I mean those down-right nasty, STAKIN’ ATOMIC BOMB farts that cause future victims to hold their breath and run for the hills. You know the kind that has you on a witch hunt looking for bathrooms on the third, fourth, even the fifth floor because God forbid you picked up the fumes of the guilty toilet bowl offender.

Solution: Be proactive. Plan and strategize in advance. Locate a nice quiet place with low traffic and an easy escape route (like an elevator or stair case) and bring a trial size of Clorox to sanitize the toilet bowl to de-funk-i-fy before you exit.

Missing Butt Wipes

Ah! The success that comes with a new promotion which brings me to my next point. Perhaps promotion means entitlement and entitlement means take a roll of toilet tissue to use at home? How come the bathrooms are never fully stocked? Do you know how frustrating it is to rush to the bathroom right before the conference call, never bother to look only to discover there is no toilet tissue?

Solution: Observe and journal. If the bathroom smells like hot collard greens, cheese doodles, and tortilla chips and it is only 10 a.m., bring your own stash of baby wipes and don’t tell a soul. If need be, you might have to put your feet up in the stall in case someone is waiting to use the bathroom after you so they won’t blame you for using up all the non-existent toilet tissue.

Rain Droplets

Understandably there are some who are super conscious of their health and will not use the paper covers on the toilet seats. Instead some opt to squat or stand man-vertical and splatter making it rain on the toilet seat.

Solution: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

Weave Me Alone

This is a hard one because I am not sure if the suspect was primping in the mirror, minding her own business after she finished or was trying to correct her style for pleasing aesthetic purposes right before hitting the club after work. Nevertheless, a piece of her glory lies helplessly on the floor or it is clutching a portion of the toilet bowl. You know that part right in between the flusher thigamagiggy and the toilet seat.

Solution: Fire your weavologist.

It’s your gurl Lady Cheetah. Be good in the Corporate Hood.

Chat  —  Posted: August 26, 2014 in Jungle Hustle, Jungle Work Life, Rat Race Saga
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