Lately (due to life of course) I have been abandoning the American
Lie Dream and have gone through a concrete jungle cleanse of many of my worldly goods. In the beginning it was not as liberating as many brag about because I began to think about how much money and time I spent in accumulating things.
The sad truth is my life got wrapped up in what the bible calls “in the abundance of things [I] possess.” I never thought that would be me. Having a high opinion of my life, I had great pride in knowing that I had gone further in life than most would expect and exceeded some of my own expectations. No. Scratch that. None of the people back in Connecticut (family included) thought I could achieve or was worth anything. To them I was nothing more than a project hood rat destined for failure. And here I was attempting to validate my existence with material things.
The truth is when I looked into the mirror, I discovered an unhappy and angry little cheetah. Compared to what I dreamed to be and what people thought about me, I concluded the life I was living was about as fulfilling as a hot air balloon. The real problem was I thought too highly of myself and failed to do periodic checks that would keep me humble. Here I was more concerned about my reputation and proving that I was better than what they believed of me rather than nurturing the state of my soul.
Have you ever had that tape running through your head? The childhood scripts of people who you will never see again telling you what they think you should be doing? Funny thing is, the same people I was trying to impress never volunteered to finance my projects or pay my bills. What a waste! I alone am to blame because no one has control except I give it to them.
Another damnable thought is does anyone ever tell you the truth about the American Dream? They advertise that one can have it all but did they sell you on the fine print that you would have to mortgage your life by living in so much debt?
Then I asked myself a few questions:
Why was I holding on to school books for over 10 years when I already had the degree hanging on the wall?
Why did I have to own two televisions and two Blue Ray DVDs when I hardly watch one TV in the first place?
Did I really need to buy a three piece furniture set when I only use two pieces?
What was I going to do with over 20 books that I will never read again?
Was it necessary to have over 200 movies?
Did I really need to buy the washer and dryer?
Etc., etc., etc…
I finally came to the conclusion of the matter: this was all lies, trash, and garbage.
You see I could never understand why those who immigrated to the states would open up stores and be successful in a short period of time while I lived here my entire life and could never achieve the “big break.”
The truth is I was as clear as mud as to what the big break was supposed to be. I spent too much of my time feasting off of pre-existing worldviews that did not line up with my beliefs. Instead, I should have tapped into my introvert wonder power and block out all of the voices that fought for first place in my head. My strategy should have consisted of thinking, planning, and executing Lady Cheetah’s course.
I am done with these man-made, pre-existing templates. It is so undesirable. Living a lie is such a prickly existence and there is no way I will ever be completely satisfied until I tap into the power that was mine from the beginning.
No, I will not use the excuse of I have bills to pay. Who doesn’t? No, I will not say I have to stay put until better comes along. That is an excuse. I can change that reality. The truth is a comfortable rut is nothing more than fear disguised as so called wisdom. Since when is it beneficial to remain in a toxic environment? Since when is it advantageous to halt between two opinions? It never is and never will be.
When I moved on to a better job, the leeches came out to feast on my soul. When I started loosing weight, it confused so called friends because they were comfortable as long as I was fat and unhappy. When I stopped relaxing my hair so my natural hair would grow healthy and strong, I crossed over to the dark side. When I went vegan, you would have thought I joined a cult. Who cares what they think? In purging my soul my mind is clear. My vision is sharp and my focus is amazing.
I still have a long way to go, but I have realized that to live simple is to live life at its best.